Lessons From the Story of Kisa Gotami

Verse 114 of the Dhammapada says:

Though one should live a hundred years
without seeing the Deathless State,
yet better, indeed, is a single day’s life
of one who sees the Deathless State.

The Deathless State is Nirvana. And this verse is referring to a young woman named Kisa Gotami.

Revisit the story of Kisa Gotami. Most know her story. It’s one of the most popular teaching stories in Buddhism.

Kisa was a plain thin girl living in India in the time of the Buddha.

Gotami was her family name. Her personal name Kisa, means ‘frail‘. Tradition tells us she was thin and rather unattractive.

Though she was a plain her heart was rich and full of kindness and compassion.

Because of her poverty and lack of beauty she had a hard time finding a husband. But, she hoped a man would someday see her inner beauty and marry her.

And finally it happened. A man did come along who saw her true beauty and married her and brought her into his parents’ home.

His parents, however, and the other members of his family disliked her because of her poverty and her plainness. The did not treat her well.

So her husband was caught in an unhappy place between his love for his new wife and his love for his family. His family’s poor treatment of Kisa caused him great pain.

But, things changed when Kisa became pregnant. They changed for the better. And they changed more when she gave birth to a son. The whole family accepted her now because she was the mother of the heir to the family name.

Kisa was finally truly happy. Her husband loved her and his parents and family now honored her. She was content.

But, suddenly one day her infant took sick and died. The tragedy was too much for her. Besides being broken hearted over the death of her son, her only child, she became desperately worried her husband’s family would again despise her.

Besides her grief she was worried people would think her karma was the cause of her son’s death. She thought people would think she had done some great evil to have lost her son.

She was even afraid her beloved husband would leave her a find a new wife from a better background.

All these worries and fears churned around inside her. She refused to accept what had happened, she convinced herself her little sweet son was only ill and not dead. She convinced herself all she needed to do was find the proper medicine and her baby would get better.

Carrying her dead son, she went from house to house asking for medicine for her sick baby.

People could see Kisa’s baby was dead and many of them taunted her for being so foolish.

“Where have you ever seen medicine for the dead?” they mocked.

Almost everyone made fun of her. All but one man. In her desperate search for a medicine she met a sympathetic and wise man. A kind man who realized Kisa had become mentally unbalanced because of her grief.

He advised her to visit the Buddha. “I think he can help,” the man told Kisa.

She immediately followed his advice and rushed to the monastery where the Buddha was staying.

She arrived at the monastery with her dead child in her arms.

“Please, give me medicine for my son,” Kisa begged the Buddha.

The Buddha said he knew of a medicine that would help her. But she would have to get it herself.

Eagerly and happily she agreed.

“What is the medicine?” Kisa asked the Buddha.

“Mustard seed,” the Buddha answered. “Bring me mustard seed and I will help you.”

Kisa agreed and turned to go collect the seed.

The Buddha stopped her and told her, “You only need get a very small amount of seed. But the seed must come from a house where no one has ever died.”

India, 500 years before the Christian Era, Kisa had to find a house were no one had ever died.

At the first house she shared her need for mustard seed and was told she could have it. But, when she said the seed had to come from a house where no one had died, the woman at the door told Kisa her husband’s father had died just last week.

“I cannot use this seed,” Kisa said.

So she went to the next house. A grandfather had died. The next house, a little girl had died of an illness. And on to the next and the next and the next.

Toward evening she finally realized what the Buddha was teaching her. She took her baby to the cremation ground and then returned to the Buddha.

She had come to the understanding that death is the destiny of all people, all beings.

She became a nun.

The story of Kisa Gotami is usually told to remind us of impermanence, of the reality of death. And it does that well; it does that masterfully. But today we’re using this story to help us understand how strong emotion can at times help us deny a truth we don’t want to face. The story also helps us see how strong emotion can even cause us to act in unwholesome, unwise, or even foolish ways.

Remember in the story the man who sent Kisa to see the Buddha did so because he realized she had become mentally unbalanced because of her grief

Not only grief, anger and jealousy can have strong and sometimes detrimental effects on us. These strong emotions at times can give us the excuse to say and do things we know are not proper. Things we usually wouldn’t do or say.

It’s not only sadness, love can also be a reason we might do or say things we perhaps should avoid. Playing favorites. Choosing a person you like over one more qualified. Forgiving an error a friend commits but not forgiving the same error when done by a non-friend.

The fourth of the Four Noble Abodes is Equanimity. The dictionary says equanimity is “evenness of mind, especially under stress; right disposition; balance."

　
In our lives most of us can probably find an example were a strong emotion has helped us make an unwholesome or wrong decision. A time when a strong emotion has helped us act with a mind not balanced.

That is the other lesson the story of Kisa is teaching us, reminding us. To be aware, to be mindful. We practice meditation to help us in that awareness, that mindfulness.

Sorrow, sadness, happiness, and love are always going to be a part of our lives. We need to remember, to practice so we are able to guide our lives and not be led by these passing emotions.

Kisa’s great sorrow overwhelmed her. The Buddha carefully, slowly helped her remember and regain her equanimity.

We all have to remember what Kisa discovered: no house, no person, is without sadness or love, without comings and goings.

We remember this and we can live with balance and peace.