This morning I spoke at the All Souls Community Church in Grand Rapids, in Michigan. The church is a Unitarian Universalist community. Here are the words I shared:
Good morning.
Namaste.
Thank you for inviting me into your space. I always feel very comfortable with your community. You’re warm and welcoming. This warmth says much about all of you.
When Colleen invited me to come and speak with you this morning she told me you’re becoming a Welcoming Congregation; the UU’s official designation for welcoming the LGBTQ community.
This designation and you receiving it make me very happy and very hopeful. Happy on two counts.
Happy because of the equality and justice it reflects.
Happy, also, because I’m an openly gay man.
That fact, me being gay, is a non-issue at the Grand Rapids Buddhist Temple. I know it’s also a non-issue here at All Souls Community Church.
Your designation as a Welcoming Congregation also makes me hopeful because I look forward to the time when being gay or straight, or whatever you are, is a non-issue, everywhere.
Non-gay people frequently ask me, why does the gay community feel the need to celebrate Pride? Sadly, I answer with the litany of injustice and violence experienced by the gay community locally, at the state level, nationally, and globally.
I also answer with stories of people who proclaim there should be discrimination against the LGBTQ community. They proclaim, we the members of that community, have no rights and deserve no justice, no equality.
I look forward to the time when those sentiments are relegated to the racks of history along with slavery, the gladiatorial games, and the belief that women are property. I look forward to the day when Pride need not be celebrated. The day when Life in all its beautiful expressions is celebrated equally. The time when no one has to fear being true to themselves or honest to their family and friends.
Our two communities, All Souls Church and the Grand Rapids Buddhist Temple, are examples of how that day will look. The LGBTQ members of the temple, as here, are accepted for who they are, not who they love or how the dress.
Because my being gay is a non-issue. And because other LGBTQ individuals being part of the temple and part of this church are also a non-issue, there’s not much more to say on the subject.
But, I’m not known as a person who is ever at a loss for words.
Within the practice of the Buddha-Dharma we have a guide referred to as the Five Precepts. The Precepts are a mirror, a measure. The Third precept speaks of sexual responsibility.
Guided by our understanding of ethics, guided by our practice of wisdom and compassion, we work to preserve the integrity of individuals and couples. Of families and society. Of children.
We know a person should never be drawn into an intimate relationship because of fear or coercion of any kind. We know we do not enter an intimate relationship with an individual who, for whatever reason, is unable to make the decision to create such a union.
A healthy, nurturing sexual relationship is, as we all know, based of affection, responsibility, respect, and the ability to freely make that choice.
My former root-teacher, the beloved Vietnamese Master Thich Nhat Hanh has said, “Loneliness cannot be alleviated just by the coming together of two bodies, unless there is also good communication, understanding, and loving kindness.”
These three words: communication, understanding, and loving kindness are very important in the creation of a loving, nurturing, and satisfying intimate union.
Communication, is a two-way street. I give you the space and the time to speak. I don’t interrupt. I don’t anticipate and interject. I listen. And I listen to hear, to learn what you have to say. I do not listen preparing to pounce the moment you take a breath. I do not listen trying to gather fodder for my verbal retort, or a verbal attack.
Understanding, does not mean approval or acceptance or agreement. It does mean I know, or I’m trying to know, why you feel the way you feel. It means I acknowledge your opinion. It means I know your viewpoint has a cause. A cause I may not completely know, or understand, or agree with, but it’s your reason. And I accept that reason as being important to you.
Understanding means I realize your ideas are just as valid as mine.
In Buddhism, the primary meaning of Loving Kindness is friendship. I’ll regard and treat you as a friend. I’ll be open, courteous, respectful, helpful, and honest towards you, in all areas where I can do that without denying the Practice or myself.
The Buddha taught when we understand someone honestly, even someone who has done us some harm, we cannot help but realize that person’s actions have been motivated by what they feel are valid reasons. We may not agree with the reasons, but we see them and acknowledge them and understand them as best we are able.
The Buddha said,
“He abused me, attacked me,
Defeated me, robbed me!”
For those who carry on like this,
Hatred does not end.
“He abused me, attacked me,
Defeated me, robbed me!”
For those not carrying on like this
Hatred ends.
If I understand, even in a small way, why a man or woman might treat me with negativity based on my sexuality, this knowledge may will help me not respond in kind. This knowledge will, perhaps, help me respond as a civilized, respectful, self-respecting person.
There are those in the world, who for their own reasons, work to the disadvantage of the LGBTQ community. Are they doing this from pure cruelty or from a point of view different than my own?
In my youth, in the 60s and 70s, I was a member of a number of gay civil rights groups. I slowly drifted away after realizing the anger on both sides was doing no one any good. But that drift away was mostly because I was tired and disenchanted and I had come to realize the best way, for me, to advance the civil rights of the gay community was to live openly and show individuals and the world we are no different than anyone else.
There was a time in my life when I had to deny who and what I am. I’m honored to stand here now, today, and say being gay, in this church and in my temple, is a non-issue. Your community and mine; our two communities, our one community is growing in wisdom and compassion.
Let our honesty, our compassion, our wisdom, our sense of truth and justice be a guide to the world.
Namaste.
No comments:
Post a Comment